3-Minute Intimacy Quiz

Let’s get intimate for a minute (or 3).

While you’ll often hear me speak about intimacies with self, another person, or something even greater (think: the Universe, the Divine, God, Goddess, Consciousness…), for the sake of this quiz, let’s focus on what most likely brought you here: You and your current or most recent romantic partner.

There’s no right or wrong way to approach this quiz. You can take it quickly, trusting there is truth in your instinctive response. Or, you can explore each category, trusting an answer to emerge. 

My only encouragement is to be gentle with yourself. It’s easy to look at a quiz and ask, “Am I winning/losing?” or “What’s right/wrong with me?” Rather than judging yourself for an answer, consider that it may direct you to a new opportunity to practice intimacy.

These are the four questions I ask myself:

1. Intimacy of Body

Can I open my body through the five senses of touch, sight, smell, taste, and sound? Or do I reflexively shut down and recoil from them, even when I know intellectually that I am safe and desired?

2. Intimacy of the Heart

Can I share my joy, grief, fear, anger, and shame? Or do I bottle up my emotions because I’m stuck in a story that I am a burden, I’m “too much,” or I will lose love by fully expressing myself?

3. Intimacy of Mind

Can I share my thoughts, ideas, celebrations, doubts, and insecurities? Or do I hold back and withdraw because I've been overtly or subtly told that I'm not innovative enough, creative enough, or realistic?

4. Intimacy of Soul

Can I share my true self - that part of me that is more than my thoughts and feelings? It’s beyond the rational and emotional. It’s my calling, my yearning. It’s that part of me that is uniquely me. That part that never changes and is constantly evolving. It’s the ache for love and freedom. Can I share this way, or do I stay silent, having been taught that my deepest needs are not valued or that spiritual, religious, or mystical beliefs are too woo-woo, childish, or outdated?

Now, pick one (or more) of the categories above and ask yourself:

  • Under what circumstances do I have trouble knowing, declaring, and honoring my comfort and boundaries around intimacy?

  • What would I need to do to experience more intimacy?

  • What would be an easy first step to make this possible?

  • What would I need a partner to do so I could experience more intimacy?

  • How could I ask my partner for what I need to make this more possible?

Congratulations!

Whether this feels like a “congratulations” moment or not, remember the part above about being gentle with yourself and practicing self-compassion.

Congratulations, you’re looking at some patterns that have shown up in your current or past relationships (or likely both).

Congratulations, now you may better understand where you could practice more intimacy.

Congratulations, you’ve imagined some steps you could take to achieve more intimacy.

Our comfort level and ability to explore intimacy are informed by our lived experiences, societal norms and expectations, family traditions, and religious teachings. While this may make intimacy seem hard-wired, new levels of intimacy are possible through focused attention and intention. 


If you’d like to explore what more intimacy could create in your own life, reach out to discuss one of my programs or coaching opportunities.